C4
Bianca's nanny had told her that she would experience stabbing pain during her first intimate relationship with a man, and that there would even be blood. Even if her chin might end up trembling from the unprecedented pain, she Bianca wasn't worried about the blood part of it. How could that scare her when she was already experiencing that once a month?
What threw her into a state of panic, however, was the fact that she would have to undress in front of Zachary and be pressed against her own exposed skin. Just the thought of having to bare her skin in front of a man for the first time made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and a shiver ran down her spine. Her husband would surely let out a disappointed sigh once he saw her figure, which was quite petite compared to others her age...
It wasn't that she felt inferior for having a chest that wasn't as voluptuous as others, or a height that wasn't as tall as others. She never saw them as flaws either. Still, the reason she was worried about what Zachary might think of her body was because she hated the possibility of him finding fault with her. Was there someone she would like to be openly ridiculed for her body? Bianca wasn't sure she could handle such a situation in a dignified manner, and that was how she came to explain to herself the cause behind her panic.
Although Zachary would never actually do such a thing, the Bianca of the past would not let it go, as he was someone who always made her nervous, someone who was not welcome.
Still, she couldn't turn him down since she had no reason to. As much as it could be argued that Bianca had been ignoring all of her responsibilities, sleeping with Zachary was something she needed to accept as his wife. Bianca's nanny had told her that the reason her consummation was put on hold was because Zachary was considerate of her.
Bianca snorted when she heard the word “considerate”. It was not consideration but negligence. He had pushed her aside, finding her annoying, and now he only came looking for her to calm her vassal's concerns.
And so, while Bianca did her best to suppress her nervousness, the week flew by and she found herself standing before her husband dressed in fine robes. Although she couldn't stop her body from trembling, she lifted her chin nonchalantly, her pale green eyes gleaming defiantly under her reddish-brown lashes. Bianca didn't think it would be difficult, at least that was the case until she was finally embraced by her husband.
She had learned the basics of intercourse, but found that the act of doing it was completely different from what she had learned. Bianca squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip, afraid she would let out a scream otherwise. There was a sharp pain that welled up between her trembling legs, her body trembling helplessly every time Zachary moved. She felt as if he were in a boat in the middle of a storm, rocking from side to side. That's how powerless she was.
Bianca had unconsciously tried to crawl away in pain, but found herself trapped when Zachary's hand closed over hers, which was gripping the sheets. As a warrior, Zachary was much larger than the frail Bianca. Holding her in her embrace prevented her from moving another inch.
Bianca was now face down on the bed, slight tremors shaking her body and her brown hair flowing in disarray behind her pale neck. The feel of Zachary's lustful breath against her ear made Bianca's mind go blank.
That night, Zachary didn't let Bianca go. He released inside her relentlessly, and Bianca had no choice but to continue to accept him to the point that the space between her legs was soaked. And this act continued until dawn.
Her first time had left her with nothing but fear and shock. She had felt as if she was being swallowed by a beast. Even if it was her duty, it was nothing but terrible. Not wanting to do something like that with a man ever again, Bianca desperately started pushing Zachary away ever since.
But if Zachary ignored her denials, Bianca wouldn't be able to stop him. Fortunately, she seemed like she had no desire to coerce her, rather she acceded to her wishes.
However, that didn't mean they never slept together again after that first experience. Zachary would always come looking for her whenever he had to go to war. He would grab her without a word and pull her by her arm, his face terrifyingly rigid. Those were the only days Bianca wouldn't reject him.
Although Zachary was considered an invincible commander, he was like an unpredictable monster. It might have been the surge of desire for her to conceive an heir by her in case he died on the battlefield, or it might have been the annoyance of her vassals that pushed him to go looking for her every time.
Zachary didn't look for her unless he was about to go off to war and Bianca didn't think much of it. Then one day, Bianca overheard the maids gossiping among themselves. Her sharp talk was easily picked up by Bianca's ears.
"You won't believe how sticky it was." Whether they are stable boys, knights or squires, they are all equal. Men are always crazy about it. It's so annoying.
—Ha. You say that, but you're always shaking your butt.
“Well, that's because instead of the person I want, it's all these toys that are coming at me.
"Do you have someone in mind?" Who? Sir Gaspar? Sir Robert?
-Eh eh…
"Don't tell me, is it Lord Arno?"
A burst of laughter followed the maid's joke, as if it were a funny joke, and yet there was no denial from the other maid. The first maiden took notice of her and quickly looked around her before lowering her voice to a whisper.
"The lady would not let you go easily if she listened to you."
“Our lady does not care for Lord Arno. Ah, our poor lord. Such a dazzling man has to spend all his nights alone because of his evil wife, while other mediocre men are busy chasing other women's skirts. did you know Our lord and his wife don't even spend three nights together in a year? Can you believe it?
A wicked wife.
Bianca scoffed. She knew that her servants and maids were not happy with her, but she never knew that they had been talking about her that way. Also, to think that she would even mention sharing a bed with Zachary.
"I'm sure he has a mistress." It's already been over ten years since she got married, do you really think she's been abstinent all this time?
-Lie! Lord Arno is not like that!
-Sure. Aren't you the one who said you don't trust men because they're all the same?
“Ahh… I want to be hugged by our lord. Her solid chest...
“Stop trying to change the subject. That is an impossible dream.
The maids continued to talk as they walked away, but the one who had overheard their conversation couldn't even take a step. Bianca's heart sank and she found it hard to even breathe when she heard the possibility of Zachary having a mistress… She felt an unnecessary sense of disgust for some reason.
A mistress!
How could he not have thought of that before?
On the other hand, that was probably why Zachary had easily backed down whenever she rebuffed his advances, as well as why he'd postponed its consummation until she was 18 years old. Looking back, it all made sense if she had a mistress.
Bianca began to push Zachary further away after that day, mistrust of men and fear of intimate relationships taking hold of her heart.
* * *
As Bianca's unfortunate days of marriage continued, an encounter turned her life upside down.
That was when she met none other than her fateful love, a handsome man her age named Fernand. If Zachary was a rough and stony warrior, then Fernand, with his eyes that shone like the rays of the morning sun, was a tender minstrel, warm and zephyr.
Her husband's name never came out of Fernand's lips, but instead he whispered sugary words in her ear. It was to be expected that the naive Bianca would easily fall for her kindness. Her mistrust of men began to slowly diminish after meeting Fernand.
But her fear regarding sex continued to grip her. Even though Bianca had definitely fallen in love with Fernand, she showed no signs of becoming more intimate with him. This made Fernand blink, his blue eyes sparkling as he whispered, “Don't you love me? When I want you so badly…” He pulled her fingers to the hard bulge between her legs. Bianca flinched as her fingertips came into contact with the searing heat. She looked away, not knowing what to do, as her cheeks looked like ripe peaches.
She was still terrified of intimate relations between a man and a woman, but her heart sped up when she saw how Fernand seemed to want her so desperately. The sound of her heartbeat echoed in her ears. Before she knew it, she Bianca was slowly lifting the hem of her skirt as if she was in a trance.
He had done it on impulse. Fernand pulled her closer, taking in the sight of her slightly exposed ankle as a sign of consent, and the two fell further into the bush.
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